“I’m not ok, things are not fine”
When Christian was Mercie’s age, I caught myself unintentionally, but frequently, telling my kids how they should feel. I realized when they would fall, get a shot, cry, etc., I would always respond with, “it’s ok, you’re ok, you’re fine!” I thought I was helping & comforting & reassuring them until I had this lightbulb moment when I realized, I haaaate when someone tries to tell me how I feel. Because they’re always wrong, haha. And I hate when someone belittles or dismisses something that is hard for me.
So when I tell my kids, ‘you’re fine, you’re ok,’ I realized, it wasn’t comforting, it was dismissive. And that could potentially be a thread to them suppressing feelings as they get older. Here are just some responses I say the most that is comforting & reassuring, BUT ALSO acknowledges their reality: “I know it hurt,” or “I know this is hard, AND… …it will get better.” …it will not last.” …it’s over now.” …”you are not alone.” …I’m right here with you.” …you are safe.”
But really, “I know it hurt,” and “I know this is hard” can also be complete sentences. I was interviewed on a parenting podcast, so this was fresh on my mind, BUT parenting & kids aside,let me be the one to tell you, in case no-one else is: YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID B/C THEY ARE YOURS. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID B/C YOU ARE FEELING THEM. They matter. They are important. They are not any less than someone else’s. You are absolutely not alone. This absolutely will not last. Better times & better days are within reach! THE SUN ALWAYS RISES & YOU ARE ALWAYS GOD’S!
MORE FROM AL! BOOKS: Wildly Optimistic : Gaining New Perspective to Life’s Challenges Nightly scripture study Live on Instagram HERE More Than the Tattooed Mormon: HERE Cheers to Eternity: HERE. Scripture Study Journal: Rooted Fireside CD: Choosing God in Hard Times Instagram: @alcarraway | Facebook