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  • alcarraway

When I Was Single & Unwanted:

HEAR ME OUT: I literally never thought I’d get married. Lot’s of reasons & here’s a quick summary:

-I would notice the kind of girls that were getting asked out & I began to be afraid that b/c I didn’t look a certain way, wasn’t a certain size w/ a certain style, or grow up in a strong gospel-centered family, or know how to cook or make my own skirts, I was forever going to be overlooked.

-I didn’t look temple worthy. That not only did they not want to date me, but it was hard to make friends, even. It was a long time before I was ever approached for a date.

-And it was the first time it ever occurred to me that, *appearance aside, my life before the church was a huge stumbling block that, regardless of the atonement, others themselves couldn’t get past.

-And I heard too often, that: since I already graduated college, lived in a house with no roommates, had a career, was already endowed, already traveling to speak, that I was too independent. Too established. And that was too much for them.

But no matter the reason from others, it was just feelings of not being good enough. Unwanted. Flawed. Alone. Losing hope – losing confidence – losing purpose & losing steam.

Over time I learned to just worry about me & worry about God. I decided to stay focused on what really mattered to me– I worried about the relationship *I did* have: with God. & THAT’S WHEN LIFE STARTED TO UNRAVEL in ways I never would have imagined– I learned lessons I couldn’t imagine living life without — I grew beyond what I thought I could in such a short time.

Truth is, I’m not sure what kind of wife or person I’d be without the qualities & lessons & talents I developed while I was single & “waiting,” because I am such a better person because of them.

And here I am– with Ben & with our kids– sometimes spending time on the painful thought of everything I would have missed out on if I let passing time allow me to settle- or give up on the promises God gave me- or put the person He wants me to become on the back burner- or hold me back from trusting & allowing myself to really LIVE–

“Dear Woman, Sometimes you’ll just be too much woman. Too smart, too beautiful, too strong. Too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man,

which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown

to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand, You do not need a smaller crown— You need a man with bigger hands.”—Michael E. Reid

Let’s not waste our thoughts comparing ourselves & defining ourselves by what we aren’t & what others are. Let’s not allow ourselves to question what is “wrong with me?” Heavenly Father did not shortchange or screw up on you. Don’t stress. You just worry about you and worry about God. Heavenly Father knows what’s important to us and what we need. Because the thing about Heavenly Father is that if we are trying and are patient, we will never be short-changed from the best blessings He has to offer.

xox AL


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