IS GOD PUNISHING ME?!!
IS GOD PUNISHING ME?!! Why did it have to happen to me and not them? Did I do something wrong??? It isn’t fair, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. Why would God bring me to this just for it not to work out? What am I supposed to be learning? What is the hidden blessing from this? What tragic thing could I be avoiding from this falling through? Was it taken away because I wasn’t grateful enough? Is there even divine meaning behind this, or is just life just being life? How much more am I going to go through? Is this the adversary trying to stop me, or God? Maybe my efforts aren’t good enough?? Maybe I’m not good enough???
And we think and we cry and we wonder and we plead and we pray and… Isn’t it WILD all the questions that go through our minds when a change of course happens? I don’t know the answers. I don’t ‘the why’ behind a lot of things.
But here’s what I do know:
We are loved. We are WILDLY loved by a perfect God. We are heard. We are noticed. We are wildly noticed by a loving God who always knows our exact situation and our exact & every thought. And every longing and every dream and every effort.
And I may not know the reason for all things, but I do know the solution to all things: Him. Trusting Him, listening to Him & following Him & seeing it all through knowing Who’s hands we’re in.
So maybe we don’t know the why, but we do know the Who. And I think that’s enough. Because I know He’s enough.
And I suppose if we take a step back – take a deep breath – and remember that we have the most all-knowing, all-powering Being to ever exist on our side –then we can stop doubting & start embracing & start moving forward onward and upward. And become lighter & stronger & happy in the new, in the different, in the unwanted & closer to Him & closer to the best things. Because if knowing Who is on our side & by our side isn’t enough of a ‘why,’ then I don’t know what is. And if that isn’t empowering, I don’t know what is. So today, I’ll put aside my doubts & wipe away my mascara & realize every day is a good day because every day we have God.
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