BLOG

Dec 13, 2020
2 min

Darkness turned Sacred

During this pandemic we have lived in 3 different houses in 2 different states, AND then also our time where we didn’t have a house at all—and were houseless. We struggled. A lot. And I realized what a terrible disservice I would be doing my kids if I shielded my kids from my struggling. I was stretched thin. I lost it. A lot. I hardly ever cry, I’m not much of a crier, but I think I cried every day in there. And there my kids were- experiencing it with me b/c they had no ot

Oct 18, 2020
3 min

a List of Optimism

There is *always another way to look at things Every passing second is a chance to turn it all around Allow God to be God. We find what we look for, look for the good. Good is always there b/c God is always there. When it’s out of our hands, it’s in God’s. Embrace the unexpected knowing Who is guiding you. The unexpected is God intervening Through it all, He becomes more real. Could you trade that? We’re part of something so much greater than the *here. Get up & move. Get you

Jul 19, 2020
4 min

it’s INTIMATE

We don’t really realize that this is one of the most intimate things we could ask someone—- intimate because it’s completely personal, it’s a person in their entirety — we ask someone to get baptized. Because when we ask it, we’re asking them to change almost everything— not just what they do, but even the way they think. It’s a complete transformation of their entire life, which created their entire being of existence on this earth that they know of. When we ask someone to g

Jun 28, 2020
3 min

This Isn’t How Things Should Be…

This isn’t how things are supposed to be going …! I’m not where I want to be …! Things… should be different…! And we plead and we pick apart and we demand why from God or where is God?! …It’s easy to think we know better when we observe things with our mortal eyes and with the knowledge we have been given. When things don’t seem to add up for us, we ask God why He is doing something a certain way with us or our situations. Like in Jacob, when the laborer asks, “Why are you b

May 21, 2020
2 min

When We Want to Quit

It would be so easy to quit, ya know? To give up. To go back— back where 21yrs of habit, tradition, contentment & culture lay DEEP within my ROOTS, in my being. I know very well the times where we are losing our voice, losing hope, losing strength– Those times that feel unheard, unanswered, unwanted, unfit, unworthy— to feel lonely, lacking, tired, tried, to wonder, to doubt, to guess, to struggle, to sink, to sacrifice— Like you, I know how it feels to think our faith is i

Jan 19, 2020
4 min

When We Don’t Know How to Move Forward

It’s hard to move forward sometimes when we don’t always know what to move forward with. And yes or no questions are tricky in prayers. We can easily and unconsciously stay standing with no progress for a long time trying to detect if it was a yes or no that we’re getting in return. Am I only hearing yes because it’s what I want to hear? Is it me or the Spirit? And then we go back and forth and back and forth, and then we end up just stuck. Sometimes He doesn’t always tell us

Jan 9, 2020
2 min

Personal Promises from God

January 1, 2019: I wasn’t pregnant yet and I got my traditional New Year’s priesthood blessing. A lot was said in that blessing, one of which was that it would be a year of “key changes & hard decision to make,” and I immediately knew that we would move out of state away from NY even though we JUST bought a house 6 months previous. [And here we are in Arizona]. I was also promised to have a year of “great health.” At the end of that same month, I found out I was pregnant & ha

Jan 5, 2020
3 min

Why Trusting God is Hard

honestly…I was a little bit apprehensive about this year.A lot of unanswered questions and big big decisions that are out of our hands for Ben to pursue his PhD. This year is guaranteed a new and long season for us. WHYYYY is trusting God so hard sometimes?? If it is true that we have the most all-knowing, powerful, perfect Being to ever exist on our side, why is it so hard to allow His will to take over and to fully give it to Him? Why is it so hard to let Him take care of

Dec 15, 2019
3 min

Shepherds Were Considered Dirty Thieves

Back in the days of Jesus, shepherds were considered dishonest, un-trustworthy, unclean thieves. According to many historians, shepherds at that time were considered the lowest of the low. The term used for them by the Pharisees is translated in the English Bible as “sinners.” It was a derogatory term meaning vile and unclean. They were shunned by “respectable” people and some scholars say they were often considered to be socially on par with tax collectors and prostitutes. W

Oct 27, 2019
6 min

When Our Trials Don’t End

If it’s true we have an all- knowing, all-powerful God on our side, why does He feel distant from us sometimes? Why do we feel as though we sometimes cannot feel or see? Why does it seem sometimes that our time at the well, alone—has been too long and maybe He’s not coming? For one of my Sunday school lessons I did in the past, I had my husband sneak out during sacrament meeting and tape a gold star to the wall of our classroom because he is taller and can get it higher up th

Aug 11, 2019
5 min

Is God Always Good?

Is God good even when things are not? I found myself saying, “God is so good,” the other day after finally hearing good news for once at the baby doctor. But was God still good all the times I left hearing bad news? Was He still good after I received a high-risk diagnostic? Was He still good after continued and unfolding complications? Was God good when I joined the Church and I lost my friends and had years of silence from some family members? What of mine and my husband’s

Jul 9, 2019
4 min

When God’s Not There

I have gone through too many trials that have left me literally yelling at God wondering where He is and why things were happening the way they were and why things haven’t ended yet. Almost every time, things never going how I had in mind and always going down the unwanted and unexpected and uncharted paths with unsure destinations. I think of how Christ loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus—one could argue that Lazarus and his two sisters were His closest friends. When near Jerusa

Jun 7, 2019
2 min

Our Unwanted & Unexpected

43 hours total driving in 2 separate cars. I just drove across the country for the 5th time as we moved from New York to Arizona. It was two weeks without our things, waiting for our moving truck, pregnant and sleeping on the floor with an air mattress and using the stairs as our table. I’m tired of moving and problem solving and starting over and sacrificing. But God asks us to do hard things. It’s part of it all. Sometimes He asks us to leave our family and move across the

Mar 27, 2019
2 min

When You Feel Alone:

Maybe the woman at the well, as she sat alone drawing water, was thinking of the weight of her burdens. Maybe she was thinking how she wishes she could change things & how she wishes things were different. Perhaps she was thinking how she was only there because she wanted to be alone. Or maybe that she deserved to be alone. There was a straight shot shortcut to Galilee through the Bethsan gap. It was essentially the only route for Jews to travel for 2 reasons: it was fast

Dec 28, 2018
2 min

When Opportunities Pass

[2011] Here’s a new thought I had the other day. And it’s not about Christmas. It’s about opportunities that have passed. It’s about doubtless, faithful perseverance. It’s about patience. Understanding. Perspective. It’s about knowing there is not something wrong with you. It’s about the ‘best’ rather than the good or better. I was reading this month’s Ensign article by Elder Russell M Nelson called The Savior Lives on pg 17. Something simple was said by him is what sparked a

Dec 7, 2018
2 min

Remembering the Who vs. the What

Been in a weird whatever lately trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my time & my life & the season that I’m in. I don’t know— I don’t know how to explain it. Ever since NY I’ve been in a new chapter. .. I’ve never not worked full-time, like now. And since I was traveling speaking every weekend since I got here, I have pushed aside figuring out what all the things are exactly I should be doing & working on & towards & figuring out my new role & so on an

Oct 22, 2018
2 min

Interesting, Isn't It? How Hard & Unnatural This is…

INTERESTING, isn’t it? Because of Isiah’s prophecy, for centuries, many young Jewish women had dreamed & wondered, “will I be chosen as the mother of the Messiah?” But not Mary. When she was told she was going to be the mother of Christ, she tried to tell the angel –not her– ‘Cuz she saw herself as a “handmaid.” In Hebrew, handmaid translates to ‘slave.’ Interesting, isn’t it? How we as woman are so quick to do that to ourselves? How we are so quick to lesser ourselves? How i

Oct 7, 2018
2 min

Our MOST Bitter Pain & Anguish of Soul

For 3 ENTIRE DAYS & 3 entire nights – nonstop – he was in the MOST BITTER pain. Torment. No breaks. No let-ups. Just paralyzing anguish that kept him crying to God. Completely consuming that whole time. But then… after the longest passing time of immobilizing struggle, he found peace to his soul. And so sometimes we feel like things are THE MOST consuming & THE WORST anguish– and we agonize over the passing time with no breaks or let ups– and we have to make the decision

Aug 29, 2018
4 min

After I Got Baptized, Things Really Sucked…

After I got baptized, my life fell.apart. And I’m not exaggerating. Now, if you’ve heard me speak or read my book, than you know this. But I also realized today that the 191K of you following me on Instagram have not heard me speak or read my book & this isn’t common knowledge to most of you guys. I’ve never known loneliness until I got baptized. I’ve never known such painful sacrifice & loss until I joined the Church. I’ve never known real pain until then. Indescribable ang

Aug 21, 2018
2 min

TODAY MARKS 9 YEARS OF MY BAPTISM!

*THIS IS IT!! ** This was my apt. when I met the elders!!! This is where it ALLLL started. This is where I told the missionaries I wouldn’t listen unless they brought me a steak to eat – and they did! Those are the stairs we would sit on during my lessons. I drove by it this weekend since THIS WEEK WILL MARK 9 YEARS OF MY BAPTISM! I literally have no words. I was on a quest to prove them wrong — that you don’t need the gospel & all of these ‘blessings’ they were working