I’ve been MIA on social lately, and it’s because this trial given to me has been so difficult and unfortunately it's been kickin' my butt and I don’t see it ending quite yet. It’s the kind of trial that lasts longer than you think it should have. I’d like to say I’m as strong as I was when it first presented itself, but I’m not. It’s the type of trial where your strength is warn very thin and you feel like you’ve been positive about it for too long that you can’t help but let tears stream at random parts of your day doing menial daily tasks and question what else you could be doing that you’re not already to make it go away.
And usually in those tough trials, the answer that you can’t be doing anything else is harder to hear. Most times I feel like I have enough faith to be helped or healed right then in that very second, I do. I feel like I am immovable when it comes to knowing of His miracles and power. But do we have the faith to not? Do we have the faith to let Him not solve or heal right away? Do we have the faith to stay faithful when we feel our faith has run thin? Do we have the faith to last long, long months and know that no matter our trials or change of course and the time frame given, it does not alter the unchanging truth that God is taking care of us?
I eventually get there, but it’s not until after I feel like I have been “faithful enough for long enough” during it that I should have earned me a solution by now, and after I have a few breakdowns of me crying and literally yelling at God, that I get there. And that’s ok.
Because it’s through my honest yelling and crying to God of what I’m really thinking is when I make progress with Him, my situation, and well, mostly myself. It’s where I accept and feel that I won’t drown even if it won’t go away quite yet. Where I accept that sometimes all the answers wont be there, but comfort and strength always will, because He always will.
My key to finding strength during the thick of hard times:
First: Honest prayer.
Second: So be it.
Spoken so boldly to me in a previous trial by the spirit while reading scriptures. “They brought their wives & children together & whosoever believed...in the word of God they caused that they should be cast into the fire.” …”Now Amulek said unto Alma: behold, perhaps they will burn us also. And Alma said: Be it according to the Lord” (Alma 12:8&12-13).
Surely if Alma could trust Heavenly Father so much with his life and to be able to have so much desire to follow His will to say so easily and calmly- “so be it” – surely I can be confident with the trial given to me, that no matter what, understand it is the Lord’s will for me. And that is ultimately what I want in all circumstances. I don’t want it if He doesn’t want it for me. Because I have learned too many times that although nothing goes the way I have wanted and prayed for them to be, they have always been profoundly better than what I even knew was available for myself.
There always is great comfort in His will no matter how unwanted or hard it may be. Knowing that God is real and the gospel is true means that your life will never be the same. But always better.
We find whatever it is we’re looking for. Look for the good. Look for Him. Do not worry over things you have no control over. Refuse negative thoughts—do not justify the adversary in your thinking because you “expect” him to be there in trials. Do not let time and trials dim your faith or diminish the truthfulness of His promises to you. Refrain from thinking that God doesn’t care or that you will be shortchanged from the absolute best.
Taken from the last chapter of my book: “So now, we do the only things we know how to do. Keep going. Keep trusting Him. See where the Spirit will lead us next. See what lessons we’ll learn, the experiences we’ll have, the people we’ll meet, the states we’ll live in, the talents we’ll develop, the trials we’ll conquer. Try not to yell at God as much when things don’t make sense and when they are so hard. Stay patient and faithful and allow life to unfold the way He would have it. Allow ourselves to be continuously prepared and accepting the unexpected, knowing that it is guided by the most powerful and all-knowing Being to ever exist. He exists for us. He exists for you. He exists to see you succeed, be truly happy, and return.”
So next time we find ourselves on our floor yelling at God pleading for things to be over and things to be different, I hope that we can take just a quick break from how we think our lives should go and with hope say “so be it.” Because our trials and our change of course will never alter the unchanging truth that God is leading us to the best blessings. Why stop when we can keep going?
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